One Hundred Years As An Extra

There had been plenty of time, and I observed Mickey as a third party. And… as terrible as it sounded, I had a subject to experiment on who would be returned as he was the next day. I couldn’t experiment on my own body because I only had one. And it wouldn’t be returned to me. What if it made the symptoms worse?

I didn’t know it would be so frustrating to be unable to save myself. I felt guilty for using a small boy to experiment on. I was horrible!

“Aargh!” I felt dizzy and couldn’t stand upright. I fell on my knee. Cold sweat dripped from my forehead. I felt as though my pores were on fire. My vision blurred, and all I could see was Mickey’s miserable face and his convulsing body.

It’s just a hallucination, I told myself. It’s just a hallucination. Mickey is not here…. Holding onto that shred of rationality, I tried to recall the contents of the book. Hallucination was one of the symptoms associated with withdrawal from alcohol. Even though I knew all that, horrible memories and visions blurred my sight. I could not bear to see them. I could not stand hearing them scream. All the despair and resentment.

“—lia!” I shut my eyes. I thought that I heard someone calling me.

My whole body ached and itched. I felt as if bugs were gnawing on my skin. My lips were parched and dry. I bit my lips and scratched my skin. The pain didn’t go away. I kept seeing horrible things even with closed eyes. I wanted to gouge my eyes out. I was going to do just that, but I felt someone holding down my hands. I struggled and heard someone calling distantly, amidst all the screams and resentment ringing in my ears.

“Dalia!” A low voice called.

Dalia… Dalia… that is my name! I flinched as I heard the name from among the screams. I struggled to free myself to scratch my skin to soothe the burn, to tear my skin away. But something held down my arms. I could taste blood between my lips. It was so painful. Everything hurt. “Why are you stopping me?” I screamed and sobbed. I didn’t know whether I was saying it aloud or my mind was ringing again. “It’s so painful.”

“Dalia. Get a hold of yourself! Open your eyes.”

Open my eyes? “I would see the horrible things again,” I screamed. I didn’t know if I was screaming in reality or only in my head. “I don’t want to see. I want to gouge my eyes out. Please.”

“Stop it. Calm down, Dalia.”

I don’t know who I was begging with, but I cried and begged. It must be in my mind. “I don’t want to die. Please,” I cried. “Please don’t let me die.”

“I’ll help you,” said the voice, “So, stop it now.” A warm, calm energy filled my heart.

I could feel my skin being soothed. The itching subsided. The headache disappeared. My eyes didn’t throb anymore. I felt that this was all unlikely. Is this another hallucination? But the screams in my mind had stopped. The voices, the despair, the visions, everything stopped.

“Open your eyes, Dalia. It’s okay now.” The low voice sounded exhausted. It brought me back to my senses. My mind slowly cleared and all I could think was, Ah, this is crazy!

I should have expected this. Dalia’s alcoholism was very severe. I knew that the withdrawal symptoms would get worse. Hallucinations, impulsive behavior, irrational thinking were all symptoms that were normal in this case. I was not prepared for the horrible visions. The memories of experiencing those horrible things were something no one should be subjected to.

Alcoholism was more horrible than I expected. I had thought of asking Kaichen for help, but I didn’t have the courage to intrude upon him. I had tried to make the cure myself. I had avoided asking him. I opened my eyes slowly. Kaichen’s face came into view. He was holding me down, maybe thinking I would try to gouge out my eyes again.

“Teacher…,” I mumbled. Kaichen’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance but he didn’t tell me off like he usually did.

“I tried… I couldn’t make the cure. Can… you help?” I winced. “If you could… I would be grateful.” I tried to smile but only winced because of the pain in my mouth. I stammered but the words wouldn’t come out properly. Eventually, I let out a dry laugh and winced again.

“You fool!” Kaichen reached out a hand and placed it on my forehead. The world turned black. But it was a soft darkness that enveloped all in a warm tranquility. There were no hallucinations, no screams. I felt safe and relaxed for the first time and drifted off to sleep.