Chapter 32: The name engraved on the tombstone was very familiar to Annette.
Robert. It was the name that Raphael mumbled every time during his sleepwalking. In his nightmare, he begged Robert again and again for forgiveness. Perhaps the name engraved on this tombstone was also painfully engraved on Raphael’s heart.
Raphael did not look back at her. Raphael’s side profile looking at the tombstone with both hands held together was so beautiful that it could not be considered human. As he stood there biting his lips, he looked like a god of death guarding the cemetery.
“You know that, don’t you? Every night I…”
Raphael’s face was distorted as if he was mentioning something very disgusting. Though he did not finish what he was saying, Annete understood his omitted words. Raphael, who was a very prideful man, was disgusted with his weakness and could not accept it.
Annette reached out and affectionately wrapped her hand around the back of his hand. It was an act she did subconsciously because she couldn’t bear Raphael looking so haggard. Fortunately, Raphael didn’t open his mouth. He only glanced down at her hand and surprisingly didn’t shake it off.
“What kind of person was he?”
Annette asked quietly to calm Raphael’s emotions a little. Raphael swallowed hard, and then with great difficulty opened his mouth.
“My aide-de-camp. He was the only one who stayed behind. But in the battle, while we were suppressing Letan’s forces…. he couldn’t come back alive. He stumbled and fell into the moat. Because of that, he broke his legs. The enemies just kept coming, but Robert, with his broken leg, could not climb up the moat. If I had also stayed behind, we both would have died.”
Raphael stopped speaking and clenched both of his fists hard. Perhaps Raphael struggled until the end and was forced to retreat, leaving Robert behind. And that guilt still tormented him everyday. Because of this, he had nightmares of Robert dying every night.
Annette felt sorry for such a Raphael. In such a situation, if she had left her sister-in-law, Claire behind and retreated, she too would have felt guilty all her life. Instead of consoling him through words, she just grasped his hand more tightly.
Raphael didn’t say anything after that. Instead, he simply reached out, brushed the dirt off from Robert’s tombstone, and ripped off the moss that grew between the engraved name. The action was a little rough, but it still had a warm feeling.
Annette, who looked at this from the side, smiled a little. Then she suddenly became curious.
‘In my past life after I died, did Raphael also come to my grave… would he have also taken care of my grave like this?’
Annette felt dazed just by imagining it. Standing alone in front of her tombstone, dressed in a black suit, what kind of facial expression would Raphael have? Was he happy, thinking his sick and annoying wife finally disappeared? Or was he alone and lonely like this?
It was a mystery for her now. Annette never wanted to die because of stress again. And for that, she had to leave Raphael. Whenever she saw him hating her, Annette’s heart ached.
‘But unlike before, this time he told me about Robert.’
This was the first time Raphael had told her about Robert. In her previous life, she knew nothing because she had never been close with him. Not only that, she only now learned that Raphael was suffering from trauma after the war, and he had a painful thorn in his heart named Robert.
But this time, Annette didn’t ask, but Raphael voluntarily told her first. Annette felt the need to think about this a little. Did Raphael really hate her that much? A little hope shone in Annette’s heart.
“Umm, Raphael.”
Annette wasn’t the type who could guess what was going in others’ minds and behave accordingly. She believed if one had any questions, the best way was to ask the other person directly. Even though she might get hurt again by hearing the words ‘I hate you’ like last time, she was now quite closer to the truth. Annette cleared her throat and straightened her back. She then looked up at Raphael and asked.
“Why did you bring me here?”
Raphael looked back at her with dark eyes. His red lips, set in his white chin, were strikingly beautiful.
“Because you know my secret.”
“Is that all?”
“Then, should there be another reason?”
The small hope that had blossomed in her heart immediately withered away. She really didn’t expect him to say something like ‘I don’t hate you like before.‘ But, his cold clipped tone sounded like not to expect anything more. This alone was disappointing enough, but Raphael didn’t just stop there. He bowed his head, then, clutched Annette’s shoulder tightly and whispered into her ear.
“Don’t even think about saying a word about this to others. You better stay still.”
Raphael’s deep blue eyes looking at her were very fierce. Annette understood he only shared his secret because he had to, not because he wanted to confide or have any emotional exchange with Annette. Seeing this, Annette swallowed a sigh and decided to stay quiet. It seemed like it would be better to visit the smuggling guild again soon.
After leaving the cemetery, Annette remained silent. She was blankly staring out of a small window in the carriage. The golden eyelashes, which were slightly lowered, were weakly quivering, and the pink lips under her small nose, were tightly closed. Seeing this, Raphael felt strangely stuffy in his chest.
‘Are you offended?’
Raphael was used to Annette’s attitude of always smiling at him and talking to him about this and that. And on top of that, after nursing her, he felt a little affection for her, whether he liked it or not. So, he brought Annette to Robert’s graveyard.
However, because of his distorted nature, he doubted Annette and was quite wary of her. Raphael had a lot of enemies. But if Annette told someone about his weaknesses… It was just too horrible to even imagine.
It would have been nice if he had had enough time to telI Annette his secrets. However, Raphael came unprepared and shared the secret as if he did so only because he was caught. In a word, what happened was really the worst. Because of this, Annette shut her mouth a little more tightly than what he intended.
‘I should have said it softer.‘
Raphael unknowingly frowned and regretted his actions. For an illegitimate child like him, there was only one way for him to survive in the aristocratic society. And that was to raise his head more haughtily, even if someone pointed their fingers at him, and bite those who slandered him ferociously like a beast.
A man who was surrounded by enemies on all sides had no choice but to be wary and sensitive about everything. The same was also true for Raphael. The aggressive speech that he used to protect himself could not be changed easily. He believed he would live his life alone anyway, so he never regretted it. But this time….. he really regretted it.
“Annette.”
“Yes.”
Annette turned her head on hearing Raphael call her. As their eyes met, a habitual elegant smile appeared on Annette’s face. But her pink eyes weren’t smiling at all.
Raphael’s heart sank when he saw it. Strangely, Annette, who was sitting right next to him, felt very far away. It seemed as if she was about to open the carriage door and go somewhere far away. Well, in fact, Raphael’s intuition was very accurate. Annette was wondering when to visit the secret guild ‘Secret’ again.
Raphael was a man whose disposition was as close to that of a noble beast. Naturally, his instincts were very sharp and now they insisted him to do something. Raphael, in his anxiety, unknowingly made an impulsive offer.
“Annette, if it’s okay, let’s have dinner around here. What do you say?”
“….Here?”
Annette’s eyes, intrigued, became a little energetic. They were now near a town that was quite far away from the mansion. Of course, for Annette, who had lived all her life like a flower in the greenhouse, it was a novel place. Having lived only on the Bavarian street, she had never been to a restaurant on a street like this.
“Okay.”
Anyway, in order to move to Osland and start a new life, it was necessary to get used to the life of the common people. After getting Annette’s consent, Raphael poked his head out of the window and ordered the coachman to do something. Then, about 10 minutes later, the carriage stopped in front of a busy street.
First, Raphael got off from the carriage, and with great care, opened the door and held Annette’s hand. It was a kind and caring gesture. However, Annette, who was very excited on seeing the exotic scenery of the busy streets, did not notice it.
“Oh my goodness! This is my first time in a place like this.”
This town was far different from the high-end shopping district. So Raphael was a little worried because it was not a place suitable for Annette who had high eyes. It was a place that received gentry and rich merchants as main customers. Fortunately, Annette seemed very interested, so Raphael coughed and pointed his finger somewhere.
“As far as I know, everything from this street to that street are all restaurants. Take a look around and pick a place you like.”
Only
“I… can I choose?”
“Sure.”
Raphael answered lightly. After all it was nothing for him. At that moment, Annette smiled brightly. The smile that couldn’t hide her excitement was so beautiful that it was something beyond describable. Seeing this, Raphael couldn’t breathe properly and felt as if he had been hit hard.
‘Why is she smiling like that?’
It was a beautiful smile as if flowers were blooming right before his eyes. Raphael didn’t know, but Annette had rarely herself taken any decision in her life. Her father, Allamand, was an extremely aristocratic and conservative figure. He was a tyrant who controlled everything under him. And Annette was also considered as one of his possessions.
Because of this, Annette’s previous life was extremely passive. But she didn’t want to live like that in this life. In the meantime, the choice that Raphael offered her, really made her very happy. Annette looked at the numerous restaurants in front of her and with an excited gait, contemplated where to go.
“Let’s go this way.”
Annette, with a big smile, stepped forward, forgetting all her earlier sorrows. She didn’t even realise that Raphael was standing still, completely dazed, while looking at her.