The Beautiful Monster

"I told you that I will always look out for you. I meant that, and that includes when Kaleigh decides to be a bitch," Elias said with a shake of his head. He looked serious.

Alyssa kept her eyes down. She wanted to look at him, but she was afraid that she would crumble if she did. He made her weak but in a good way.

She felt warm and comforted, like she could float. She didn\'t feel so heavy around him. He took off the unnecessary weight.

"Why? I don\'t know why you do all of this for me," Alyssa sighed. She wanted to know his motivation because it was crazy for him to be doing all of this for her for no reason.

Elias reached out to place his other hand on her cheek, drawing her eyes up to his.

"Because I\'m the person you don\'t need to run and hide from," he told her.

Alyssa drew in a shaky breath as her eyes burned. She felt like crying all over again because his words struck her so deeply. He knew what he needed to be for her, and he didn\'t mind being that for her.

"I trust you… more than I trust anyone else," Alyssa murmured. It was hard to make the words come out loud and clearly. She felt them strongly, though. She felt like she could tell him anything, and everything would be just fine.

She didn\'t feel that with many people. It was easier and safer to lock everything up inside and not take that risk.

Opening herself up to people was giving them a chance to either help her or hurt her. She was at her most vulnerable.

"I want you to trust me," Elias replied as he stroked her cheek gently.

Alyssa wasn\'t sure if it was his touch, his words, or a combination of both of them, but she felt all of her control start to give away.

The boy of her dreams was right there in front of her, so close that she could see the dark flecks in his eyes. She couldn\'t let him slip away again. She couldn\'t lose him.

Without another thought, Alyssa crashed her lips against his. She surprised herself, and the warmth of his lips made her feel like she was floating.

But she soon crashed down to the ground when she realized that he wasn\'t kissing her back. She quickly pulled away to see him looking at her in surprise.

She jumped the gun. She moved too fast for him. She messed everything up. A million thoughts flooded her head as she stared back with wide eyes.

She couldn\'t be here after messing up like that. She needed to go home and be away from everyone right now.

Alyssa pushed past him and hurried down the sidewalk. She even started running when she heard him call out her name.

She wasn\'t going to stop until she turned the lock on her dorm door. She just had to get away from him, from that shocked and probably horrified look on his face.

She thought that was the perfect moment for them. She felt it in her chest. She felt the pull, the incentive to make that leap. She was wrong, so terribly wrong. She must\'ve misread something or was too optimistic. How could she be so stupid?

Once she shut and locked the door to her dorm room, Alyssa let the tears flow. She didn\'t care if she cried now.

No one was around to witness her embarrassment. No one knew about these tears, and she wished that no one knew about any of them that she had shed.

"What were you thinking?" she whispered to herself. She yanked off her costume, not even wanting to feel or look at the material.

It just reminded her of him and his reaction to her kissing him. She didn\'t know what she expected from the kiss, but it definitely wasn\'t that.

She thought he would kiss her back. She expected him to cup her face and draw her close.

She imagined so many good things, and she didn\'t experience any of them. She fooled herself. She really had it out for herself it seemed like.

Alyssa crawled under the blanket on her bed once she ripped her costume off. She snuggled under the warmth, trying to find comfort in it. It wasn\'t like Elias\' warm grip or lips, though.

It wasn\'t the same, and she knew that everything was going to remind her of that failed kiss. She knew that she should\'ve waited. The sign wasn\'t clear enough yet.

As she laid in the dark, she could hear her phone go off on her nightstand. She didn\'t check it, though. She knew that it was Elias.

He was probably making up excuses so that she didn\'t feel as bad, but nothing could make her feel better about what happened. She saw how he reacted, and that was that.

She ruined everything.

Alyssa refused to leave her room the next day. She didn\'t look at her phone. She didn\'t talk to anyone. She just wanted to be left alone.

Maybe that wasn\'t the best thing for her right now, but it was the only thing she wanted.

She obviously didn\'t need to interact with anyone because she\'d just do the wrong thing.

In the moment before she kissed Elias, she thought that the universe was shouting out for her to kiss him, like the stars had aligned. It seemed like the perfect time.

They were bonding so closely emotionally and physically. Kissing him seemed like the perfect way to wrap all of those things up in one moment.

She jumped too far and too quick. She could feel it when his lips didn\'t move against hers. He felt frozen, stunned.

She was surprised with herself at first, but she got over it. He didn\'t. That meant he didn\'t want the kiss. He didn\'t want her.

She dragged her fingers through her hair as she stared at the ceiling from her bed. She replayed that moment over and over again in her head, unable to get rid of it. It was a constant loop of embarrassment.

Typically, she wasn\'t the one to make the first move. For her first kiss, the guy had leaned forward and kissed her.

For her first hug, the girl threw her arms around Alyssa. She didn\'t make the first move. The one time she did, nothing good came out of it.