I am Really a Superstar

Afternoon.

At home.

When Zhang Ye check his Weibo, he received a barrage of mentions from countless of people. He saw the comment made by that Central TV’s Spring Festival Gala host, Chen Ye, and just smiled at it, not bothered at all. He continued doing what he was up to, brewing some tea and lying comfortably on the sofa as he watched a little of the news and then some video clips.

Be bothered by him?

This bro doesn’t have that much free time to be bothered!

In the past, as long as anyone doubted or criticized him, Zhang Ye would return to them ten times their doubts and criticisms. But later on, having out-scolded almost everyone, he gradually stopped paying much attention to such incidents anymore. It’s not that his temper had changed for the better, just that he understood that some things were meaningless to be bothered by. Back then, when he wasn’t well-known or popular, if anyone tried to cast doubt on him, it was considered a big matter, so of course he had to fight against it. However, these days, with his popularity soaring and no longer still a small time celebrity, he knew that the more people who knew about him, the greater amount of criticisms he would get. If he had to reply to everyone who did that, then even if he had a hundred arms, it wouldn’t be enough to fight back. There wasn’t such time anyway, but most importantly, even if Zhang Ye did reply them, no one was able to out-talk him. If he won every single time, it would be meaningless, and thus he did not have the motivation to do so. So when he saw this, he just treated it as a laughing matter. This was also Zhang Ye’s growth to a higher level.

The netizens were still waiting.

“Where’s Zhang Ye?”

“Teacher Zhang, please come out quickly!”

“Someone is criticizing you.”

“F**k, Teacher Zhang has been very quiet on Weibo recently. It’s been such a long time since he’s had a showdown with someone online. I’m not used to this peace at all.”

“What do you know? Teacher Zhang has been longing for defeat. Having dominated for so long, he has yet to taste defeat but there aren’t many worthy opponents that can make Teacher Zhang Ye appear anymore these days.”

“That’s sounds right when you put it like that.”

“Haha, the mighty Teacher Zhang.”

“You can’t put it that way. Chen Ye is a Central TV host and has hosted the Spring Festival Gala before. In these past few years, he could be considered one of the most popular celebrities of the hosting world. He was also a graduate from the Media College and would be considered as Zhang Ye’s senior. Let’s not bring in the topic of other industries. Just putting it into context within the hosting world, Chen Ye’s experience and capabilities are way ahead of Zhang Ye’s. No matter how good Zhang Ye is, he still lacks the experience of hosting at Central TV or a satellite channel. I’ll admit that Zhang Ye is a very witty talker and has a great competitive streak, but I still feel that compared to Teacher Chen Ye, he still lags behind by a bit.”

“That’s right, it’s not possible to compare at all.”

“Chen Ye’s also Central TV’s star host!”

“Yeah, I’ve seen many episodes of Chen Ye’s interview show before. That mouth of his is really quick. If Zhang Ye really went at it with him, it would be difficult to predict who would win.”

“Zhang Ye would definitely win. That’s already been proven countless times.”

“I think the victor will be Chen Ye.”

“I have my money on Teacher Chen as well. Many of you think that Zhang Ye is formidable, but that’s because he has never come up against anyone strong enough or another famous host who depends on their mouths for a livelihood. Teacher Chen is Central TV’s star host and that title alone makes him someone to be feared.”

“Why isn’t Zhang Ye taking the challenge?”

“Is he getting scared?”

The netizens were coming up with all sorts of theories.

Someone even took the effort to set up a Weibo poll to pose the question of who would be able to outtalk the other if Chen Ye and Zhang Ye really did come up against one another. Those who craved nothing short of seeing the world burn immediately cast their votes. Vote by vote, in the end, the results between the two were almost the same. 49% had voted in favor of Chen Ye, while another 49% were rooting for Zhang Ye. 2% of the users had voted for an evenly matched outcome.

Later in the afternoon.

Zhang Ye did not surface amid all these commotions.

However, Chen Ye’s fans did not let up on their barrage because of Zhang Ye’s non-appearance. Since Chen Ye had already fired the first shot, as fans, they would not while the time away.

“What a lousy program! Remember your sister’s lyrics!”

“Zhang Ye has already lost his touch!”

“Why are we even comparing Zhang Ye to Teacher Chen? How laughable!”

“Everyone, go to the search engines and search for Teacher Chen’s name, that will help increase his popularity score. Let’s not let that Zhang guy chase up!”

“Right, forwarding Teacher Chen’s Weibo to increase his exposure!”

Suddenly, Chen Ye’s Weibo updated again. With Zhang Ye ignoring him, he continued firing shots and pointed out: “These days, there are so many singing shows around on the market. It’s understandable that you would try to innovate in this area, and we should also support it, but innovation doesn’t mean that we should go against the conformity of a regular television show. I really don’t know who came up with a lousy program such as the one that focuses on remembering lyrics. Is this done so that they can bring down all the other singing shows together with them?”

Chen Ye’s fans echoed his sentiments widely.

“Ha, it was Zhang Ye who came up with the idea!”

“Teacher Chen has hit the nail on the head with his observations!”

“Zhang Ye’s too full of himself, becoming cocky just because he achieved some results elsewhere!”

“Look, he doesn’t even dare show himself anymore!”

At this moment, a hardcore fan of Chen Ye’s appeared. It was a woman and she had a photo of herself on her Weibo. She wasn’t fat or thin, but her looks were really terrible. With slanted teeth, a pointed chin and barely any eyebrows, her Weibo username was contrastingly named IAmGorgeous77. This person was a very active member of Chen Ye’s fan club and all the other fan club members knew her as Gorgeous.

IAmGorgeous77 said: “I don’t believe that Zhang Ye won’t come out! Teacher Chen Ye, hehehe, could you back me up with some support? I know that you’re very talented, much more so than Zhang Ye.” After those words, there was no more activity from her and no one was sure whether she was communicating in private with Chen Ye.

About ten minutes later.

IAmGorgeous77 suddenly made a surprising move. She publicly posted a picture of herself with her lips puckered up, looking ready to give a kiss, but those thick and twisted lips were really terrible to look at. What followed were some words that left everyone dumbfounded: “@ZhangYe, you’re the skin to my flesh; I am the buttons to your suit; you’re coffee and I am the beans, loving you with all my life is not enough! When I hear you, it moves my heart; When I see you, I lose myself; When I don’t see you, my whole body hurts; Even as I wash my feet, I long for you to be mine! Zhang Ye, come and marry me quicklyyyyy!”

Many people burst out laughing at this on Weibo!

It’s a proposal!

Someone has proposed to Zhang Ye!

It’s even such an ugly woman!

Chen Ye’s fans were all cramping up from their laughs.

“Hahahaha!”

“Gorgeous is so awesome!”

“Gorgeous77, well done! Disgust that Zhang Ye to his death!”

“This doggerel is so well written! Could it be the work of Teacher Chen Ye? It must be! I’ve always heard that Teacher Chen Ye’s poems are very good! Who says that only Zhang Ye knows how to write poems?”

“Zhang Ye, hurry up and come forward, someone has proposed to you! Hehehehe!”

Somehow, due to some reason, this Weibo post was getting a lot of attention and constantly being forwarded. Many others who did not pay attention to this before were now joining in on the commotion and watching the fun!

At the same moment, Zhang Ye also saw the post. His first reaction was to think that the person must be an idiot, right? Because Zhang Ye had always had ordinary looks since childhood, he never had biased opinions about others who didn’t look too good themselves. He even did not like it when others started harping about appearances, but this fan of Chen Ye right now was really quite interesting. She was willing to stand out to let others make fun of her and to be Chen Ye’s cannon fodder? It might look like Chen Ye’s fans were supporting her, but they were actually just making fun of her. Could she be any sillier than that and not understand the situation, and even “jump” around so happily? There are all kinds of people in this world, some with thoughts that you would never understand in your lifetime.

Seeing the ugly girl’s proposal to Zhang Ye getting forwarded with increasing pace, Zhang Ye’s fans could no longer bear to watch. They were all jumping up and down in anger!

“This is numbing. We did not care about your words, but you’re taking advantage of our silence?”

“Who is this disgusting person!?”

“Proposing? You ****?”

“Chen Ye, a person like you can even be a Spring Festival Gala host? Not only did you not control your fans, you’re even helping them cause trouble? Helping your fan compose doggerel to disgust Teacher Zhang? How crass! With your standard of doggerel, you even dare to think of competing with Teacher Zhang? Just because Teacher Zhang did not bother with your antics, you’re all biting even harder!?”

“It’s just a fight for a B-list spot, does it have to come to this!”

“Chen Ye is a sore loser?”

But it had to be said that Chen Ye’s fans had really achieved their objective. Many people had been riled up by Chen Ye’s ugly fangirl’s proposal to Zhang Ye. Many of them even started asking Chen Ye to help matchmake for them, but of course, most of them were Chen Ye’s fan troll army.

“Zhang Ye, come out quickly.”

“Our Gorgeous77 is a great beauty, lucky you, hahaha!”

There were a few fans who were really behaving with no class, as the calls for a conflict were flaring up.

Chen Ye did not say a single thing all this time. Nobody knew if he was condoning his fans’ actions or just observing the situation, neither did he answer the question of whether he was the one who wrote the doggerel for IAmGorgeous77. Of course, those in the fan club who knew IAmGorgeous77 also knew that she did not have such a flair for writing.

As the excitement mounted.

Zhang Ye browsed through Weibo while shaking his head. He was increasingly despising the behavior of Chen Ye and his fans. He really did not want to bother them at the beginning, but they kept trying to stir up trouble. Isn’t it just a matter of trying to gross someone out? You’re too damn funny, did you think that only you know how to gross people out? Proposal?

On Tieba.

Zhang Ye’s fan club had already set up camp and were all asking for permission to start battle!

“Teacher Zhang, we have to hit back at them!”

“I’m a girl, let me do it, f**k, I can propose too! I’ve just taken an even more disgusting picture, so let me go and gross out that Chen Ye and his fans!”

“I’ll do it!”

“Don’t argue with me, let me do it instead!”

“Which of you guys could possibly be uglier than me? Let me do it instead!”

“Is Teacher Zhang around?”

Suddenly, Zhang Ye appeared in Tieba and said: “I’m here. I’ve already read everything. As everyone here should know, we only abide by one principle—we will not attack unless we are attacked, if we are attacked…we will return the favor tenfold! Comrades, it’s not only them who can come up with poems!”

“Teacher Zhang is finally here!”

“They were really too much! We have to f**k them up!”

Zhang Ye announced: “I just happen to have a poem ready here.”

……

A few minutes later.

Just when countless other Weibo users were attracted to this commotion between Chen Ye’s fan club’s “attacks” on Zhang Ye, as those fans of Chen Ye were celebrating and enjoying the fruits of their victory, a poem surfaced online. Following that, the poem appeared again when another Weibo user posted it, followed by the third, and so forth. These were all the same poem being posted by Zhang Ye’s fans. Soon enough, a few hundred posts of the same poem had been “dedicated” to Chen Ye!

When Chen Ye saw it, his face turned green!

When Chen Ye’s fans saw it, they were all so grossed out that they nearly vomited blood!

……

This was the contents of the Weibo post:

@ChenYe !

Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You

Actually, me sleeping with you and you sleeping with me is basically the same, not much difference.

It’s just the slapping of two bodies, nothing more than the forced blooming of flowers.

Simply through the illusion of spring created by these flowers we mistakenly believe that life has begun anew.

Across half of China, everything is happening: volcanoes erupt, rivers run dry,

political prisoners and refugees abandoned,

elks and red-crowned cranes held at gunpoint.

I braved the hail of bullets to sleep with you,

I pressed endless nights into a single dawn to sleep with you,

countless parts of me ran together and became I to sleep with you.

Of course, there are times when the butterflies lead me astray,

confusing praise for spring.

Yet these

are all the more reason I must sleep with you!

……

The key to this poem was that it was delivered to Chen Ye by all sorts of people, both men and women. There was even a male fan that went by the name of ZhangYe’sGayGoodFriend who copied IAmGorgeous77’s style and sent a picture of himself giving a kiss. He even edited this picture and composited Chen Ye’s photo into it and posted it together with the poem Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You. That impact and nauseating effect that rushed at anyone who saw this Weibo post immediately made them to vomit all over their floors!

Chen Ye’s fans were all angered and confused!

“Holy shit!”

“That’s such a dick move!”

“What the f**k did it mean by ‘the slapping of two bodies’??”

“I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to vomit!”

“Why is there even a guy in there!”

“Those bastards! They’re so disgusting, those people!”

IAmGorgeous77: “…….”

Initially, they had wanted to gross out Zhang Ye and his fans to achieve their objective, but who could have expected that they would be grossed out by them instead!?

Many of the netizens who saw this were cheering happily at the turn of events!

“This poem is too brainwashing to read!”

“Godly poem!”

“It’s indeed Zhang Ye! This poem must have been drafted by him!”

“Chen Ye’s fan club have stubbed their toe this time by kicking an iron plate! It’s definite now that Zhang Ye and his fan club’s battle powers on Weibo are indeed more powerful!”

“This incident was actually quite boring to begin with. We can only blame Chen Ye alone for letting water seep into his brains. Look at how it turned out, they got grossed out instead! Well done!”

“This poem’s too damn teasing!”

“Chen Ye, with so many people out there wanting to sleep with you, do you feel pressured?”

“No, if you all read it carefully, f**king hell, this poem does not look like it was just written hastily for fun. It might look pretty retarded, but if you really read and think about it, you’d see that there’s a lot of depth to it!”

“You’re right! This poem really has quite a feel to it!”

“I’ve realized that I’m beginning to fall for this poem!”

”Zhang Ye really knows how to composes all kinds of poems. They’re all really meaningful as well and full of profundity. Compared to him, Chen Ye’s lousy doggerel is truly just a dog fart!”

At this moment, no one on Weibo was focusing on some ugly girl making a proposal anymore. Everyone was swept away by this Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You. It was such a quick turn of events! When Zhang Ye’s fan club posted this poem, it immediately got the attention of countless others and was forwarded by them as well, going viral. Almost instantly, it spread all over Weibo, Tieba, and the other large-scale forums!

“Chen Ye bit off more than he could chew!”

“How did this poem spread so quickly? Oh my God!”

“This would surely deal a blow to Chen Ye’s popularity!”

“Dammit, not even Teacher Chen could do it? He lost as well? There’s already no one left in this country who can stand against Zhang Ye’s march to the top!”

“In a scolding battle, Zhang Ye and his fans are invincible!”

“Yeah, no one can stop them!”

“Chen Ye’s fans were asking for it anyway. Of all the people to offend, they had to do it to Zhang Ye!”

Only Zhang Ye knew about the origin of this poem. It was by a poet named Yu Xiuhua from his previous world, a farm woman who was given the title of “poet with cerebral palsy.” Because of Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You, Yu Xiuhua became famous throughout China. For a month or two in his previous world, the poem spread all over the internet. Its spread and popularity was known to all!

As for Yu Xiuhua, she was caught in a mire of controversy.

Some people emphasized her disability.

Others claimed that she was a rare breed of poet.

Of these matters, Zhang Ye did not have much of an opinion nor any views about it. The reason he brought out this poem was because he had been incredibly pissed off and disgusted by those people and felt that it just wouldn’t be him if he did not retort. Just on Chen Ye’s lousy doggerel that wasn’t much of a doggerel, a limerick that wasn’t a limerick, even flattery would not make it comparable to Crossing Half of China to Sleep with You! How could they compare??