I am Really a Superstar

Weibo was blowing up!

"What a fun watch!"

"It\'s so good that I\'m crying!"

"Zhang Ye is amazing!"

"Quick, go and watch Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s crosstalk!"

"Recommending Beijing TV\'s Spring Festival Gala! It\'s really good!"

"Don\'t watch Liaoning TV anymore, just go and tune into Beijing TV! Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk is really awesome!"

"He\'s criticizing the problems in our society. Zhang Ye has done it beautifully!"

"He even did it without scolding anyone the entire time! Yet it\'s such a fun to watch!"

"Zhang Ye is still Zhang Ye!"

"Anticipating whatever\'s coming next! It\'s only midway through the routine right now. I heard that Beijing TV\'s Spring Festival Gala gave additional time to Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s routine at the last rehearsal, so we should be able to enjoy today\'s crosstalk to the utmost!"

"This is what a real crosstalk routine is!"

"Right, just look at how Teacher Zhang fully utilizes irony to such a great effect. Whereas that bunch of so-called mainstream crosstalk comedians only know how to shout catchphrases when they get on the Spring Festival Gala! Who says that humor and art cannot mix? Just go and have a look at Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk routine! That should be a good lesson for you people!"

The public praise of Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk was bursting through the roof!

Suddenly, more and more people were attracted after reading the online comments.

"I\'ll go take a look!"

"Beijing TV, right?"

"I\'m here, is it really that good?"

"I never liked Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk that only knew how to scold others. So there\'s no scolding today? I\'ll go have a watch then."

...

At the venue.

Chang Xiaoliang and several of the assistant directors were also getting very excited. They looked at each other and could see the gleams in each other\'s eyes. They did not expect that Zhang Xiao and Yao Jiancai would be so on the mark today!

Yao Jiancai asked, "Then what happened next?"

Zhang Ye replied, "What else could have happened?"

"Eh?"

Zhang Ye said helplessly, "After we returned, that chief was detained and interrogated!"

Yao Jiancai was amused. "Heh, a person like that should have been detained and interrogated much earlier!"

"Later, people from our section brought some things along and visited him."

"Why would you guys visit him?"

Zhang Ye answered, "To send our condolences to an official under detention and interrogation of course."

The audience: "Pfft!"

"Aiyo, Teacher Zhang, can you not be so funny?"

"Send condolences to an official under detention and interrogation? Hahaha!"

Yao Jiancai remarked, "He\'s already been disciplined, why would you still want to send your condolences?!"

Zhang Ye added, "In the end, I had some bad luck too and was implicated for sending a gift, so I got fired."

"You deserved it."

"After I lost my job, I felt very depressed. Beijing is such a big place, so where could I call home? I suddenly thought of buying my own home."

Yao Jiancai exclaimed, "But the property prices in Beijing are incredibly expensive!"

"Yeah, so when I heard that a real estate expert was organizing a large seminar that covered how to time the market to get the best deal, I told myself that I had to go. I paid the registration fee and a bunch of us sat there listening. The expert droned on and on from 6 AM until 8 PM, analyzing the price trends."

Yao Jiancai nodded. "That sounds like an expert."

"At the end, he came to a conclusion on the best time to buy a property."

Yao Jiancai was really eager to know. "When?"

Zhang Ye answered, "—Two years ago!"

Yao Jiancai blurted out, "Ah? Would I need you to tell me if the answer was two years ago?!"

The audience were cramping up with laughter!

"Hahahaha!"

"Two years ago?"

"Hahahahaha!"

Yao Jiancai asked, "Did he even have to speak for so many hours if it was just that?"

Zhang Ye said angrily, "Exactly!"

Yao Jiancai declared, "What kind of expert is that!"

The audience felt rejuvenated listening to this. Recently, there had been many people who called themselves experts but only spouted nonsense and gave talks on just about anything. This satire by Zhang Ye was clearly aimed at this group of people!

...

At Zhang Ye\'s parents\' house.

His grandma was watching the TV happily and said, "Look at my grandson, he\'s wonderful!"

His grandpa commented, "Well said! I\'ve been scammed before by one those \'expert seminars\' as well!"

The eldest sister exclaimed, "Our brother is really good!"

Zhang Ye\'s third aunt said to his mother enviously, "Sis, Little Ye will definitely become more and more famous from now on!"

With her son not around now, his mother shook her head this time instead. "When he was jobless, I kept nagging him to find a job and hoped that he would be able to get ahead in life. But now, I don\'t wish for him to get any more famous than he already is. It\'s not good if he has to work so much and not be around at home. Hai, if he could just stay home and spend this new year without needing to run around outside, I would thank the gods."

His second uncle said, "Little Ye is doing great things, that\'s why he\'s so busy. There are always future new years to celebrate at home, right?"

His first uncle said, "That\'s right, this is the time when the child is still striking it out on his own, so we must try to understand him better."

...

The netizens were tired from laughing.

"Hahahaha!"

"How awesome!"

"Yeah, he\'s so goddamn good at this!"

"It feels like Zhang Ye is leading the crosstalk world by a lot of years!"

"Yup, he\'s on a totally different level!"

However, at this time, there were some crosstalk comedians who couldn\'t bear listening to the comments any longer. They stepped forward and spoke up.

One of Tang Dazhang\'s disciples said angrily: "When did Zhang Ye get so many shills to support him? How much did he spend in all?"

A junior brother of Tang Dazhang said: "What did you hear that was so good? This crosstalk is titled \'Everything is Great,\' but what about the content? From the beginning, it has been about negative things like not having a smooth career. This totally doesn\'t match with the title!"

There were also some industry peers and netizens who disliked Zhang Ye stepping out.

"That\'s right!"

"Everything is great in what way?"

"Sounds more like everything is terrible to me!"

Zhang Ye\'s fans retorted: "It\'s fine as long as it\'s funny to listen to. Why do you people care what the crosstalk title is? So what if it\'s called \'Everything is Great\'?"

However, when quite a number of viewers saw this, they also started to wonder about it.

That\'s right.

Why was it called "Everything is Great"?

Couldn\'t find a job?

Getting fired?

Couldn\'t buy a house?

Yet everything is great?

...

Onstage.

Yao Jiancai asked, "So after that, you became a host and got involved in crosstalk?"

Zhang Ye replied, "That was much later."

"Oh, so you did odd jobs in between?"

"The last job I had before hosting and crosstalk, was singing."

Yao Jiancai said in astonishment, "Whoa, you can even sing?"

Zhang Ye looked at him. "What\'s with that? Do you doubt me?"

Yao Jiancai said, "No, it\'s not that. But having known you for all these years, I\'ve never seen you sing before, isn\'t that so?"

The audience were staring wide-eyed at this claim.

"What\'s that mean?"

"Zhang Ye is going to sing?"

"Aiyo, I must definitely listen to this!"

"Does Zhang Ye know how?"

Zhang Ye said smugly, "You just haven\'t seen me do so yet. My singing really isn\'t something I\'d lie about."

Yao Jiancai said with curiosity, "So what songs do you usually sing?"

Zhang Ye smiled and said, "I like songs about family ties, like Zhang Xia\'s \'Coming Home.\'"

"Aiyo, that\'s a really famous song. It\'s a classic!"

"Yeah."

"You can sing that?"

Zhang Ye suggested, "Why don\'t I sing a simple line or two then?"

The audience suddenly kicked up a row.

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"Haha!"

Applause rang out through the venue!

Zhang Ye called for silence, motioning his hands down, and said, "But I will need some cooperation from all of you here. I want everyone to close their eyes when listening to me sing. Only if you close your eyes can you sense how well I can sing it and how similar it sounds to the original."

Yao Jiancai said in surprise, "Ah? You can even imitate Zhang Xia\'s voice?"

Zhang Ye vowed, "Indeed. When you guys hear it, you will definitely be astonished and sigh—" His expression changed into one of enchantment. "—Ah, how wonderful, it sounds exactly the same. Zhang Xia lives again!"

Yao Jiancai quickly stopped him. "She\'s not dead! Not dead at all!"

The audience, caught unaware by this unexpected bit and initially unable to react, broke out into laughter!

"Hahahaha!"

"Zhang Ye is so mean!"

"Pfft!"

"Aiyo, I\'m dying of laughter!"

Zhang Ye nervously wiped away his sweat. "Ah?"

Yao Jiancai corrected, "She\'s still alive and well!"

Zhang Ye replied, "Oh, is that so?"

Yao Jiancai rolled his eyes. "Of course, the two of you even worked on a show together last year!"

The audience was laughing uncontrollably. "Hahahaha!"

When Zhang Xia—watching the TV at home with her family—heard this, she nearly spat out her drink!

Zhang Xia\'s son didn\'t know what to do. "That Teacher Zhang!"

Zhang Xia couldn\'t stop laughing. "Making fun of me? I\'ll get even with him later!"

"Coming Home" was a song from this world.

Zhang Ye cleared his throat. "Alright, I\'ll sing a few lines from it."

"Go on and sing then, everyone\'s waiting."

Zhang Ye raised his hand and signaled. "Cue the music!"

One second.

Two seconds.

Nothing happened.

Zhang Ye put his hand down and said, "Well, never mind then."

The audience: "Pfft!"

Yao Jiancai sighed, "Hai, why did you ask for it in the first place!"

Zhang Ye built up his emotions for a while before opening his mouth and singing, "Ah...it\'s the New Year, our children are coming home. Dong dong dong, the sound of knocking on the door….Dong dong dong, the sound of knocking on the door….Dong dong dong, the sound of knocking on the door….Dong dong dong, the sound knocking on the door….Dong dong dong, the sound of—"

Yao Jiancai got impatient and slapped Zhang Ye\'s back and shouted, "Hurry up and open the door!"

One of the audience members was smacking their thigh and laughing hard.

"Hahahahaha!"

This song wasn\'t supposed to be sung that way. The "dong dong dong" was part of the original lyrics but only had a small part in the song, but this was then repeated by Zhang Ye four times over!

Yao Jiancai nearly fainted. "Her daughter is home and has been knocking on the door for a long time! You should be opening the door!"

Zhang Ye blinked and said, "I can\'t open the door. Can\'t you see that I\'m singing right now?"

Yao Jiancai replied, "Hai! Is this called singing?"

Zhang Ye\'s singing voice could generally be described as average. He did not go off-pitch but his vocalization, breathing techniques, and such were all rather off, so he could at most be called an amateur at singing. Since the audience did not have much expectation for him and were only listening for fun, and Zhang Ye was able to subtly incorporate several funny gags into this singing segment of his crosstalk routine, the live audience and those watching at home were all tickled funny by it. There was no time for them to catch a breather, as quip after quip kept coming at them. The rhythm was perfect!

There were jokes.

There was criticism of societal issues.

There was the traditional speed recital.

And there\'s even singing now?

This crosstalk routine might look messy with parts and pieces of content from all over the place, but it was strung together and presented very well in the form of a series of events taking place after Zhang Ye\'s graduation from university. Except for the crosstalk title "Everything is Great" that had perplexed everyone. No one understood why he had titled it as such.