The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“There’s only one truth! [1] You’re the one who murdered Jack! Rosie, his newlywed wife!”

I shouted as I pointed at the short woman who was currently sobbing in an auntie’s arms. All the other villagers in the room had expressions filled with shock and disbelief. In their minds, these newlyweds had just gotten married and were really close, with an excellent relationship.

Jack had been suddenly murdered, and Rosie had been the saddest. She had already fainted several times from crying too much; how could she possibly be the one to have done such a thing?

“The evidence is in how Jack died. The knife wounds on his neck aren’t what really killed him, nor are the bruising handprints on his neck responsible. The pale color of his face is the critical factor. He was poisoned to death! Those handprints and bruises on his neck were simply caused by himself in his instinctive desire to try and breathe. The wide-open window and missing valuable necklace are just red herrings meant to disguise this case as the work of a thief. As for evidence? The evidence is this half a bottle of poison that I discovered in your backyard! Rosie, do you dare to show me all the kitchen utensils in your home? There are definitely still some traces of poison left on them. Don’t tell me you broke all the dishes!”

Obviously, my logical reasoning for this deduction wasn’t exactly airtight, but Rosie wasn’t exactly a well-educated lady from a rich family. She was only a village girl who had never seen the world before. When I suddenly roared at her and shook a bottle of medicine—not poison—before her eyes, she instantly panicked and revealed everything.

“…I didn’t do it on purpose! I was just trying to scare him. It’s his fault for taking my dowry and gambling it all away; we have no more money left at all for even food… Wahhh! Who knew that rat poison would be strong enough to kill him?”

Alright then. This Jack fellow’s reason for death was now clear. He had actually been poisoned to death by a common killer: rat poison.

“And even if he lost my entire dowry through gambling, that would have been fine, but he—he even cheated on me, and he had an affair with Carr from the neighboring jewelry store! Hahaha! Jack actually cheated on me with Carr for three years, and married me only to conceal his preferences! That’s why I made Jack unable to see him for forevermore!”

Alright, it turned out that Carr was the name of another man. It would seem that this Jack fellow had rather unique preferences. I watched Rosie, who had been laughing and crying finish with laughter out of extreme anger while gritting her teeth. Her smile was obviously an expression of one who had given up after cracking from too much mental pressure. While I sighed at how much information I just received, I had other things to exclaim about as well.

“It would seem that to this Jack fellow, the same gender is true love, while love between the opposite sexes is only an instinct. How are you supposed to have true love if the genders are different…? See, the evidence is that this guy died within not even three months of having gotten married.”

But, doing this much was enough since we were only outsiders here. The rest should be handled by the locals. However, since I was able to complete the quest to find the killer in such a short time, I was quite proud of my own effectiveness.

“Being able to marvelously solve the mystery in just two hours? From today onwards, please call me the famous detective Rolo!”

“…You need to say all that? Everyone knew that she was the murderer. You were the only one wasting time, looking for evidence everywhere and having so much fun.”

Alright then, on a nearby wooden table, there was a small cat thief who had a dissatisfied expression as she repeatedly touched the fake cat ears attached to her head. That tan cat tail attached to her was also listlessly limp. It would seem that Harloys, who had newly entered the thief job class, was quite displeased with her new identity and “equipment.”

“I wasn’t wasting time at all! I watched several hundred episodes of Detective Conan and Kindaichi Case Files [2] before, and I understand more than two thousand ways to kill people and the motives for doing so. How could people like you see through such mysteries so easily? Hmph! Fools.”

“…You seem to have forgotten that I was the one who taught you undead magic, and the deceased’s grudge was all around that woman. Without even needing to use soul summoning magic, anyone can discover that the remnant of his soul was still in the room, continuously screaming. It was so easy to deduce. Remember to do an exorcism later; otherwise, he might turn into a grudge-bearing ghost.”

She could do all that? I was so astonished that I opened my mouth wide agape, as I had forgotten entirely about such spells. It would seem like it wasn’t so easy to be a detective in a magical world, after all. Any undead mage would definitely become an amazing detective, and there would be much competition. However, the others were attacking my confidence as a famous detective as well.

“…There was the scent of poison coming from the deceased’s mouth, and the same scent was on that woman’s hands. The scent was quite fresh; it was probably only two hours old.”

The wryly smiling archdruid rubbed his nose, but I could detect his pride in himself underneath that seemingly casual expression of his. As a transformation magic specialist druid, anything like a bear’s strength, a cougar’s speed, or a dog’s nose was child’s play to him. What he played with was instead a SemiDragon’s strength, a griffin’s speed, and a phantom wolf’s sense of smell. It would be a simple matter for him to whiff such a low-level poison in just one minute.

And when I looked towards Krose, who seemed so eager… I turned around again without saying a single word. Of course, I knew that since she was a judging specialist Judgementor as well as a high-ranked priest of Law, criminals would be unable to hide from her. She probably wouldn’t even need to use any Divine Arts to detect lies; just a simple judging spell would take care of everything.

“Your Highness, Little Feather told me that he saw the entire process of that woman poisoning her husband. He and his wives severely condone such vicious behavior.”

I should mention that Little Feather was a sparrow that Beifeng had met here. Were even sparrows able to have harems in this day and age? There must be something really deceiving about Beifeng’s honest-seeming smile. But, from my understanding, probably only Yawen and Cohen in my little Silver Coin Squad didn’t realize the truth of the incident. After all, they were low-intelligence useless cannon fodder—er—I meant melee combat classes.

“…You think that anyone would be able to lie in front of a True Dragon?” Little Red spread salt on my wounds ever so casually.

“Your Highness, our normal training involves doing simple investigative work like this as well. We dark elves have a high amount of knowledge regarding poisons. It was quite clear the moment I saw that corpse.”

Yawen seemed to find her words quite awkward as she saw how I was obviously becoming depressed, but she was too honest to know how to use white lies to make me feel better.

My little disciple Cohen didn’t say anything; instead, he was continuously nodding in agreement with my deduction. But as a poor farmer’s boy who was an abnormal knight possessing an Intelligence value over twice that of his Strength, he had instantly discovered the remaining half a bottle of poison the moment he had walked in the door and found all the clues.

But, he wanted to give his teacher face. Yet, for me, his ridiculously overboard expression of agreement as well as way too much nodding was the worst method of spreading salt on my wound of all. It made me even more embarrassed.

“Magic is so annoying! Only the wicked would flip to the end of a detective novel to find who the culprit is! Famous detectives never need to rely on magic! We only need acute observational ability and imagination. Can’t you just use various little pieces of evidence and clues to conduct logical deductions that slowly force the culprit into a corner?”

Everyone had confused expressions that seemed to say, “There’s already magic that does all that, so why go to all the trouble?” This made me even more embarrassed, as it turned out that all of my deductions had been unnecessary to begin with. And, so, my desire to cry turned into reality.

“…I hate this world that’s completely unscientific! How are famous detectives supposed to live here!? You wicked people who go online to look for the culprit when playing detective games!”

Old Bob, who was the mayor of this little town, was finally able to rest assured as he watched the villagers taking Rosie away. No matter how chaotic things had been, this incredibly rare act of murder in Buja Town had now been solved, which was a good thing. As for the mage leader of this little squad who was currently drawing circles on the wall… cough, Bob knew that people in the mage job class were a little peculiar. He decided to write this off as some sort of strange method of celebration, and he wisely pretended to not see anything.

“Amitabha! This humble monk is journeying to the west in order to request Buddhist scriptures. These are my three disciples and my steed. This dragon here is a black dragon horse who just learned how to walk and is in a rebellious phase, not wanting anyone to ride her. The dark elf here is my third disciple, the Sand Monk, while the hook-nosed beefy man is my pig-transforming Zhu Bajie. My first disciple is… Harloys, do you know how to transform into a monkey? Hey, you actually bit me!” [3]

Simply judging by his self-introduction, Mayor Bob felt that this venerated mage must have had his brain struck by meteors in the past. Bob didn’t understand it one bit, and it didn’t seem like the mage had been listening to him when Bob made his request. However, Bob knew that people shouldn’t be judged by appearances. He believed in the rumor that the crazier a mage was, the more powerful they were. He had just requested the mage’s squad to solve this case less than two hours ago, and they solved it already.

It was already considered a huge event for there to be a murder in such a quiet small town. As the mayor, Bob had been under much pressure to solve the case, so he had requested help from some new adventurers in the area. However, this adventuring team seemed to consist of some strange members: there was a beastman, a dracon, an elf, a druid, and even humans. This motley crew seemed unreliable.

But now, the solved case proved that they were reliable after all. The criminal had confessed, and all the evidence was found as well. It was now an ironclad case that he could tell the villagers about. He was quite happy with his own choice of choosing these adventurers, and kept thanking the team’s members.

When Roland finally recovered from his depression, the fifteen silver coins earned from solving this case had already transformed into an abundant feast for tonight’s dinner as well as two weeks’ worth of travelers’ inns’ fees. Although this still wasn’t considered much money, it was the largest amount of money they had received in the entire past month.

Unlike stories told in epics and legends, real adventuring squads were just like this. This was especially all the more so in the relatively peaceful central plains. Ordinary adventurers spent most of their time helping this little boy find his family dog, or helping that little girl deliver a love letter—tiny quests like these. Rather than calling them adventurers, they were more like a bunch of hired temporary workers.

Some people became adventurers in order to have a stimulating, adventurous career. However, the fact was that dragon-slaying or demon hunting missions were quite rare, and also had high requirements of one’s power level. The top-level adventuring squads that had the ability required to do such missions would also have to carefully consider the risk-reward ratio whenever they coincidentally came across such high-difficulty missions.

The Lagraz Kingdom that we were currently in had been at peace for many years, so there was very little chaos within this country. At the very most, some gnomes appearing at the border would be considered the greatest threat, and even the Lagraz Royal Knights would fight with each other for the opportunity to gain some glory and military achievements. It was even worse for the adventurers in this kingdom, as any adventurers and mercenaries with even the slightest speck of ambition would consider going to other countries instead.

Of course, in any area where there was nonstop warfare, that location’s adventurers and mercenaries might even be stronger than the local armies. Those that fought monsters every day in order to grow stronger and even dared to accept missions to participate in war were completely different from local adventurers. After all, there were quite a few examples of mercenary or adventurer leaders that had become real kings.

Only relying on quest and mission rewards obviously wasn’t enough, so most adventurers’ income still relied on victory loot. There were quite a few adventurers that even stole from or attacked those who hired them, which was why adventurers and mercenaries as a whole had somewhat bad reputations. This was all the more so for newly-born adventuring squads that didn’t establish any reputation yet. Without any reputation, they would be considered untrustworthy.

That was why most adventuring squads took careful steps to protect and improve their own reputations. Any slightly higher-level quests or missions would also have requirements of the adventuring squad’s reputation and overall power level. Not just anyone would be able to accept such tasks.

Old Bob chose the Silver Coin Squad that had basically zero reputation mostly because a murder case in a farming town like this was destined to be unprofitable to begin with; the amount of money the town could afford to pay was pitifully small. Large mercenary squads and veteran adventuring teams wouldn’t even take a second look, which was why he tried hiring this squad of youngsters. He didn’t expect that they instantly solved the case, which was a happy surprise for him.

As for me, I had carefully selected this border town that was close to the Bardi Empire.

One side of this city was walled off by mountains. The Elohim Mountains extended for several thousand kilometers, and every week people would come out of the mountains in order to explore the world. Obviously, becoming an adventurer to work for a living was an excellent and common choice for a temporary job, which was why it was quite easy to get accepted as an adventurer here. The officials here wouldn’t possibly go through the trouble of entering the mountains to check your identities, and adventuring squads consisting of members from the same hometown were quite common. However, there weren’t many adventuring squads that would choose to stay for long in such a peaceful little town with very little profits to be earned.

As for the Silver Coin Squad, the high number of people moving through this town meant that it would be easy to fake our identities. There were few permanent residents and management was lax, which would greatly decrease our troubles. We could train together here in this town and get used to each other, while also learning how to imitate the locals’ accents. This would help us in doing what we needed in this surrounding area.

As for me, I had an Epic Quest which required me to go to the Cloud Tower in the Mage Country to activate the next portion. I was supposed to talk to the Truth Overseer named Oslowen, which was obviously for something important. However, I didn’t intend to go there immediately since there was one year given on the time limit to begin with. I wouldn’t feel reassured unless I first went to the Bardi Empire to take a look at the Undead Plane Dimensional Door that was rumored to exist. I was feeling quite anxious about it. In order to make more accurate decisions, it was extremely necessary to disguise myself and somehow get into the Bardi Empire.

Originally, I had intended to directly enter the Bardi Empire, but their ridiculously distorted and strict governmental control over all adventurers and mages would obviously be a huge problem. If we were surrounded by an Undead Emperor as well as the Bardi Empire’s army and attack from all sides, it would be ‘quite fun,’ which was why I instead chose to enter from a neighboring country.

The Lagraz Kingdom wasn’t strong. However, its royalty was related in blood to the Bardi Royalty, so it had a decent relationship with their neighbor, the Bardi Empire. It was common for citizens from both countries to visit each other. Also, while this town we were in wasn’t a large or flourishing one, it was very close to the main road leading to the Bardi Empire. Inns and tolls on the main road were too expensive, so there were many veteran travelers staying in this town who wanted to save money by resting somewhere slightly farther away.

My idea was quite simple. Since there were often merchants coming to and fro, they would, of course, be hiring guards. When we met some rich Bardi merchant who had a sufficient amount of status, all we had to do was find an appropriate opportunity to display enough power in front of him and have him be the cover to help us get into the Bardi Empire.

The stronger a Dimensional Door was, the larger it would be. The moment it was activated fully, there would be an incredibly obvious movement in the Elemental Tide. It would be impossible to conceal. I expected that I would be able to complete my preliminary scouting objectives simply by following some Bardi merchant around.

“But it’s so boring just waiting. I’ve already helped little Catherine next door find her missing cat six times already. Should I just give her Harloys in order to coax this foolish naughty child who keeps feeding her cat nothing but bones and lollipops?”

Since the situation in the Northlands was going well, and I currently wasn’t pressed for time, I was actually quite enjoying these fun days that were just like a vacation.

Of course, since our adventuring squad consisted of quite a motley arrangement of species, we spent far more money in town than we earned. The villagers here ended up seeing us as being led by a second-rate mage with too much money on his hands, together with his bodyguard (the buff and muscular Eaglestorm), his concubines (all the women), and pet cat (a certain Harloys who really loved to bite me) on a chuunibyou adventure. It was completely understandable.

Several weeks had passed, and Little Red had polished off every single last barrel of alcohol in this entire town. We had been grinding every single available quest in this little town, but still hadn’t met upon an appropriate opportunity with a Bardi merchant yet. However, another person that we had arranged to meet with found me at this time.

“Lilith? You came here quicker than expected. Where’s Amelia?”

Note:

1. The author really likes using this Detective Conan quote!

2. They are both Japanese manga series.

3. All of this is a long Journey to the West reference.