I’m Really a Superstar

Live.

The atmosphere had livened up!

The guys who were dozing off seemed like they had been injected with stimulants. They were staring widely and were in high spirits!

Wang Xiong’s mouth was already aching from laughing, “This Little Zhang!”

Feng Guiqin looked at the talking Zhang Ye as she nodded slightly.

“Let’s see how it goes.” Another company Leader was also very excited.

The other colleagues had similar reactions. Just from the opening scene and the enlivened atmosphere, it had drawn the attention of everyone!

It was even more so for the audience. It was obvious from the cheers and applause!

Zhang Ye pressed his hand down and said, “Alright, thank you, everyone.” The applause came to a stop. He then said seriously, “Everyone should know that for me to reach here step by step, I have my fans, I have my program and can be considered a success.” He adjusted his tie, “A person like me, a superstar like me…”

The audience began to respond!

“Yi!”

“Oh!”

“Haha!”

Zhang Ye blinked with a questioning look at the audience, “…But this isn’t the punchline?”

“Pfft!” The moment they heard this, the audience tumbled around laughing!

“Alright, it is.” Zhang Ye touched his forehead, “Today, I have succeeded. Whenever I think of the humiliation I suffered when I was a child, as that boy who would be bullied in school in the day, and at night.. rejected by girls.” After saying this, Zhang Ye coughed and sobbed, “The people of that era who alienated me because of my excellence would probably never have expected that this day would come.” Zhang Ye looked towards the camera and pointed at it, saying seriously, “So today, I want to speak to the camera. All those watching this program, all those who previously bullied me, listen up! Your name will constantly appear in here as jokes!” Saying that, he fiercely pointed at the camera twice!

“Hahaha!”

Everyone laughed and clapped.

Of course, there were a few exceptions.

It was now during the trading hours of the stock market, so clearly there were a few people looking down at their cellphones. They seemed to be watching their stocks and were looking worried.

Zhang Ye smiled. “Some people might not know me or are not familiar with me. Let me introduce myself. I’m Zhang Ye, a proper Beijinger. I’ve come all this way to Shanghai for a few days now. I often miss my hometown. For example, I still have a few colleagues who are Shanghainese locals. Every time we are homesick, for example, when I miss Beijing, I will go get a roast duck for myself. For example, when two of my northeastern colleagues miss home, they would eat dumplings, so as to relieve their homesickness. I also have another colleague, who is also my college classmate. Her name is Dong Shanshan.”

Dong Shanshan, “…”

Here it comes! Here it comes again!

The moment the audience heard Dong Shanshan’s name, they felt like laughing.

Wang Bei, Zhang Han and company also looked at Dong Shanshan, smiling. They used their legs to hit her.

Zhang Ye said, “Dong Shanshan is from Inner Mongolia. Whenever she misses home, it’s a bit tricky…” He paused and suddenly made a reversal, “So whenever she’s yearning for Inner Mongolia in Shanghai, she would go to the stock exchange.” Zhang Ye then waved his hand in an affectionate gesture, “Look at that endless expanse of green!”

A few people, who were cursing in their hearts about why the stocks were plunging every day, looked up and burst out into laughter when they heard this.

“Ahahahaha!”

“AIyah, that’s too funny!”

“Do you think that’s the grasslands!?”

Even those who were not speculating in stocks were tickled!

Now the entire stock market was green*. Everything was plunging daily. This joke segment of Zhang Ye’s was able to match the current affairs, which made the effect even better!

It was unknown what expression was on Dong Shanshan’s face. She was furious and tickled. The camera was focused on her once again, capturing every facial expression of hers.

Wang Bei joked, “Shanshan, you must beat him up later!”

Zhang Han was also feeling the strain from laughing, “Teacher Zhang Ye is too humorous! Aiyah, I can’t laugh any further! My jaw is already stiff!”

Zhang Ye’s joke segments came fast and furious. It was all very well-connected together. It did not seem stiff. “The stocks have been plunging all this while, but the prices of goods keep rising. The only thing that doesn’t increase is wages. Some people say that the pace of life in first-tier cities like Beijing and Shanghai is too fast. There’s such a statement, right?”

This was him interacting with the audience. It was also a particular feature of talk shows.

“That’s right.”

“Yes.”

“That’s correct.”

The audience responded.

Zhang Ye looked at them, “You guys also agree to it?” No one understood what Zhang Ye was getting at. They blinked quietly at him. Following that, Zhang Ye said, “I don’t agree with it. Furthermore, I think this statement is extremely ridiculous and childish! The pace of life is too fast in first-tier cities like Beijing and Shanghai? The people who say these words definitely must not have lived in a first-tier city!” The moment he finished saying that, he suddenly gave a stifled expression and said loudly, “It’s fast? Let me ask you! Have you taken a car in Shanghai or Beijing? Eh? Have you downloaded videos at work? Eh? What do you mean, ‘it’s fast’!?”

The crowd was stunned before they erupted into laughter!

Zhang Ye did not stop. He did not allow anyone a breather or a dull moment, “With cars mentioned, I recall some news today that I saw on Central TV’s morning news. Now, they are trying to go green when traveling. Did everyone see it?”

“Saw it.”

“Right.”

“This news has been repeated for days.”

The audience echoed.

Zhang Ye gave a look of resignation, “The news keeps saying that foreigners buy cars not to drive, but to put them at home. Foreigners only take public buses and trains to work!” Then he threw up his hands, “Alright, can I not believe it?”

“Pfft!”

“Yi!”

“Hahaha!”

Zhang Ye’s “Can I not believe it” poked straight into the ribs of many!

The sarcasm was too intense. Are you sure you can say that?

Zhang Ye said innocently, “I scrimped and saved, tightening my belt through great difficulty, before I could buy a car. Then the TV tells me to immediately rise up to the go green movement. Alright, I won’t drive. But on the second day.. parking fees went up once again! Thinking that it’s too expensive to park the car there, I really couldn’t let it just sit idle there. Hence, I began driving again. But on the third day.. gas prices increased! In the end, using my insignificant mathematical abilities, I really couldn’t decide if a car is cheaper parked there or driven!”

The audience continuously laughed. His words resonated with the people, so he was awarded with applause!

Zhang Ye sighed, “Beijing has a stadium. Do you guys know about it?”

“I know!”

“I’ve heard of it!”

The audience responded.

Zhang Ye said with a pained expression, “Actually, it’s a sports stadium. It frequently hosts baseball matches. I’m a baseball fan, but ever since gas prices rose to today’s prices, I no longer go to the stadium for matches. Well, it’s not because the parking fee is too expensive or that there aren’t any parking spaces. The reason is that the moment I drive there, there will be tens of thousands of people in the stadium shouting “Add oil! Add oil! Add oil!’ (An encouragement like good luck). Aiyah, hey! You guys may not feel how I feel!” He clutched his chest and held his breath. This joke segment once again tied in with current events. Furthermore, it was news that happened over the past two days!

Wang Xiong gave his kudos!

Even the boss, Feng Guiqin, could not help but laugh with her mouth covered.

Zhang Ye straightened his suit and said in a slightly breathless manner, “Making a living these days isn’t easy. There’s tragedy every day. Talking about baseball, let’s talk about soccer. I saw a news article about sports betting yesterday. I heard that the soccer industry is being investigated. Does everyone know about this matter?”

“Yeah!”

“I’ve heard of it!

The audience nodded.

Zhang Ye said, “These years, it’s nothing new for soccer betting to be prohibited. There is already a trend of its growing proliferation. Not only do rich people bet on soccer, even the soccer players begin betting.” Saying that, he said in a low, mysterious tone, “I have insider news here. You can’t tell anyone else. Well, of course, when it’s broadcast, then I’m out of ideas.”

The crowd laughed!

Zhang Ye then said, “Apparently, there’s a soccer team in the domestic league. You know how absurd it is? Out of the 11 people playing soccer, four of them made bets. Nearly half of the members in a team were involved in gambling. They even bought the odds that their team would lose. Hehe, so what do you think this means? They are bound to lose. Four of their own members bet that they would lose! But the outcome was.. that they didn’t lose!”

“Huh?”

“Eh?”

Everyone looked curiously at Zhang Ye.

Zhang Ye smacked his mouth and said, “That’s because the other soccer team.. had eight people betting that they would lose!”

When the audience heard this, they roared with laughter, “Hahahaha!”

A few female members of the audience dabbed their eyes with paper napkins. They were laughed to tears!

This was a joke segment from Zhou Libo’s “Mr. Zhou Live Show”, but it was slightly modified. Zhang Ye concluded, “Hence, the current state of Chinese soccer can be described as follows. The soccer association cheats their club; that’s called management. The club cheats the players; that’s called operation. The players cheats in soccer; that’s called character. When the soccer association, club and players cheat the soccer fans, that’s called Chinese soccer!”

This sentence was very profound.

After having their thoughts provoked, they understood and immediately clapped, “Well said!”

The applause lasted for quite a long time!

Feng Guiqin’s eyes lit up!

Wang Xiong and the Leader beside him, too!

They originally believed that Zhang Ye was just using tweaked jokes, but they had never expected that just a taste of it made them realize how interesting it was!

Zhang Ye estimated this episode’s word count…estimated the time to be almost up, so he said, “After finishing the recent news, let’s talk about weather. The weather is getting colder recently and the year end is coming. The annual Spring Festival travel season is coming soon. I believe comrades who have experienced it can deeply understand it. Last year, around the new year period, a huge homicide case happened in a province. The suspect was on the run. When the police were interviewed by reporters, they said surely that ‘Our investigative department is sure that the suspect will not be able to escape our province.’ And indeed, a few days later, the suspect was apprehended. A reporter asked him why he didn’t flee, despite so many days passing. The suspect could not help but swear, ‘Do you think I don’t want to run!? I was freaking queuing up at the train station for three days without being able to buy a ticket’. So with this passage, I wish to commemorate the heroes who manage to grab train tickets during the Spring Festival travel season… Of course, I do not need to grab tickets. I’m a person of stature, so I take planes!”

“Yi!”

“Yi!”

“Keep bragging!”

The audience laughed loudly!

Zhang Ye bowed slightly, “Alright, that will be all for today’s ‘Zhang Ye’s Talk Show’. I am your host, Zhang Ye. I wish you all a great weekend!”

*In China, stocks prices are indicated by green and red, but the colors are inverted from the West. Red, which is an auspicious color in Chinese culture, represents the stock price rising. Green represents the stock price decreasing.

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