I’m Really a Superstar

Translator: Legge Editor: Legge

On the way to the backstage.

Yao Jiancai laughed and said, "I got such a kick out of performing that segment."

Zhang Ye was also tickled. "Yeah, it was a rare opportunity for us to say whatever we we liked. It\'s been so long since we have scolded the Crosstalk Society. I got such a kick out of scolding them this time."

"It\'s a pity that it can\'t get broadcast," Yao Jiancai said regrettably.

Zhang Ye replied, "It\'s no big deal even if it gets broadcast."

Yao Jiancai rolled his eyes. "No big deal, my ass. If that got broadcast, our troubles would get even bigger. Remember what happened after we scolded the crosstalk world during the Crosstalk and Skit Competition with our three performances? That group of people kept criticizing us for an entire year because of it. If our performance today gets broadcast, do you think the furor it would cause would be small? Besides, who would willingly broadcast a crosstalk like that for us? It\'s something that we could only say behind closed doors at today\'s venue."

Zhang Ye seethed, "Even if we stopped performing crosstalk, do you think they would stop scolding us?"

"Mmm, that\'s true." Yao Jiancai shook his head and laughed. "I think the nickname of \'public enemy of the Chinese crosstalk world\' belongs to the both of us and we\'ll never be able to clear ourselves of it in this lifetime."

Zhang Ye said indifferently, "So what if we\'re their public enemy. It\'s just a small thing."

Yao Jiancai laughed loudly. "You don\'t feel it\'s a big deal because you\'re already used to all this."

Suddenly, they overheard the voices of several staff members who were walking toward them. They sounded rather panicked, as if something had happened.

Zhang Ye narrowed his eyes. "What\'s the matter?"

"Looks like something has happened?" Yao Jiancai also wondered, curious.

However, when the two of them listened carefully, they realized that those people were actually discussing about the two of them.

"Shit!"

"It\'s blown up this time!"

"Why would it be leaked and get uploaded onto the Internet?"

"Who the hell posted it?! Isn\'t this stirring the pot?"

"The netizens are already making a ruckus over it! I heard that they\'re going to start with the scolding soon!"

"Nonsense, how could they possibly not be scolding? I watched Teacher Zhang and Teacher Yao\'s crosstalk backstage onscreen just now and they insulted both Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala and the crosstalk world\'s people at once!"

The few of them rushed past without noticing that Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai were there.

Zhang Ye was surprised for moment, "What? It got posted online?"

Yao Jiancai exclaimed loudly, "Who posted it?"

The two of them and everyone at Beijing Television did not expect such a thing to occur!

Over at the stage.

Someone who had found out about the problem rushed to report it to the executives!

Upon hearing that, an assistant director of Beijing Television\'s Spring Festival Gala broke out in cold sweat. "What?"

Hu Fei was also stunned. "How did it get leaked?"

Chang Xiaoliang was furious. "Who was the one who recorded the audio with their phone in here? Go and find out who it is!"

Everyone started looking around trying to find that person, but how was that possible?

Xiao Lu hesitated for a moment.

Dafei blinked several times as he became worried for Zhang Ye.

A deputy director of the Spring Festival Gala said, "If this crosstalk gets exposed to the public, even if people know that it won\'t be broadcast on our Spring Festival Gala, there will still be a feud formed between the program teams of our Spring Festival Gala and Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala!"

"Station Head."

"Station Head! What do we do now?"

Everyone looked at the station head for directions.

The old lady appeared very calm as she looked at everyone. "Didn\'t we already expect that such a thing would happen? Wasn\'t that why we got Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai to give a fake performance? Wasn\'t all of this done to prevent the real performance from being revealed beforehand? Since we were already prepared, what\'s there to panic about? It\'s not even the real performance."

The rehearsals continued.

The next performances gradually started.

When the other station heads and staff heard that, they could only return to their seats while still feeling anxious. Some of them were watching the next performance, while some others were on their cell phones browsing Weibo to get immediate updates on the development of events!

...

Online.

Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s new crosstalk routine was already getting a lot of traffic! It was like many of the netizens were on stimulants. As they listened to the crosstalk, they were shouting out in excitement. And as they shouted out in excitement, they posted their comments online!

"Hahahaha!"

"I can\'t take it anymore! I\'m dying of laughter!"

"Even the prostate disease sufferers peed their pants?"

"That was all our hard-earned money? Aiyo! Please let me laugh a little longer! Hahahaha!"

"How could it be so funny!"

"Zhang Ye, Old Yao, I like the both of you so much!"

"They\'re indeed the best matched duo in the crosstalk world!"

"Dammit, I\'ve never heard such a comical crosstalk before!"

"That\'s right. After listening to Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s crosstalk, I won\'t be able to laugh anymore when I listen to the other crosstalk comedians\' jokes! The standard of their crosstalk is leading the art by years!"

"Tang Dazhang has been shot again!"

"This isn\'t just a gunshot. He was hit by an intercontinental ballistic missile!"

"Pfft! I suppose Tang Dazhang has fainted at home by now!"

"The scolding was too awesome! The scolding made me feel really good!"

"Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala has also suffered Zhang Ye\'s \'violent treachery\'!"

"Zhang Ye\'s mouth is really the most sarcastic mouth in the entire country! Those who have offended him must have had all the bad luck from their past eight lifetimes befall on them all at once! They would be scolded until they vomit blood!"

"Aiyo, this is too funny!"

"With just one of his works, he has already shown who is better. That group of people from the crosstalk world only know how to scold Zhang Ye online, and their scolding is not even that great. They are constantly using the same old lines in different ways to say that \'we will not acknowledge you.\' But just look at how Teacher Zhang effortlessly produced a routine to return the scolding straight at them. Not only did he use it to scold them, he even littered it with so many jokes that the audience was laughing throughout its delivery. This is what being high level is about!"

"Haha, speaking of scolding people, Zhang Ye is the grandmaster of it!"

"Yeah, are there any people in the country who could outscold him? This bunch of crosstalk world members keep choosing to forget their lessons! They were already scolded by Zhang Ye like they were dogs in the crosstalk competition previously, what about this time? You people still wish to provoke him? When have you ever seen Zhang Ye eat humble pie?!"

"Damn, is Zhang Ye really going to say this at Beijing Television\'s Spring Festival Gala?"

"Will they allow this to be broadcast? Surely not, right?"

"They would definitely not because this is definitely the fucking fake performance!"

"Right, it must be a fake performance!"

"Teacher Zhang just randomly gave a fake performance and it was more than enough to savage the crosstalk world!"

"Hahaha, I\'ll have to listen to it again!"

"Me too, I can\'t get enough of listening to it!"

"I\'ve already heard it three times! This really fucking vents all my anger!"

"Zhang Ye is right, there\'s hardly anyone who is a good person in the domestic crosstalk world!"

"Scold! Scold! Scold! Scold! Come on!"

This crosstalk routine had caused a very big stir on the Internet!

...

At Tang Dazhang\'s home.

The group of crosstalk actors who were rehearsing and studying for their Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala performance all looked furious. Some of their faces had turned white, some had turned black, and there was even some that had turned green!

A crosstalk comedian banged his hand on the table and shouted, "This is too much!"

One of Tang Dazhang\'s disciple said angrily, "They have no regard for the rules!" No regard for the rules!"

Tang Dazhang muttered two names tersely. "Zhang Ye! Yao Jiancai!"

"We can\'t just let this go!" Someone said, "They\'re standing over our heads and shitting on us!"

Someone echoed, "Right, we have yet to settle the score with them! It\'s definitely not settled yet!"

Everyone was exploding with anger!

They were not afraid. This crosstalk has given them too much of a scolding!

But as for how they were going to settle the score with Zhang Ye, no one could give a definite answer!

In the past, it was not like there were no one who would challenge them by publicly questioning and criticizing the crosstalk world, but under the lead of a few highly qualified veteran comedians of the crosstalk world, those crosstalk organizations under them would just do as they were told. They would resort to boycotting, banning, or reporting a crosstalk comedian to ensure that they wouldn\'t survive in the art, because this world was basically dictated by just a few veteran comedians. Being one of the leaders in the current crosstalk world, Tang Dazhang was now one of those who could call the shots!

However, it was different for Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai!

Yao Jiancai was an actor and it was not possible to control him!

Zhang Ye was also the same. He did not need to perform in a small theater and neither did he attend any large-scale commercial events. His main profession was host, director and producer of shows, author, song composer, and even teacher. Even if all the people in their crosstalk world were to jointly report and boycott him, there wouldn\'t be any significant impact. This outcome had already been proven at last year\'s crosstalk competition. They had no means whatsoever to deal with Zhang Ye!

A crosstalk comedian suggested, "By saying \'that was all our hard-earned money,\' it constitutes slander! If we really want to blow up the matter, we can sue him!"

"That\'s right!"

"Sue him!"

"This is definitely slander!"

The group was whipped up into a frenzy.

Then, an 18-year-old disciple of Tang Dazhang\'s nervously made a sudden and untimely remark. "Isn\'t Zhang Ye a lawyer himself too?"

The group of people looked at him at once.

"So what if he\'s a lawyer?"

"We can still sue him!"

"This bastard is such a hooligan!"

But as they talked about it, everyone\'s confidence grew weaker. Finally, no one mentioned fighting a lawsuit with Zhang Ye anymore. Why? Because even Central TV had fucking lost a lawsuit against Zhang Ye! Even if they felt that they were superior to other people, they definitely did not think that they were more capable than Central TV\'s professional team of lawyers! The results of that fellow\'s National Judicial Examination had shocked the law world by securing the first ever perfect score in the history of the examination!

Tang Dazhang banged his hand on the table angrily. "How absurd! Is there no way we can deal with him?"

After everyone brooded over it, they suddenly felt very frustrated. They really could not think of any way to subdue Zhang Ye! There were no ideas whatsoever!

That young disciple of Tang Dazhang, the same 18-year-old who had just newly debuted as a crosstalk comedian, was feeling extremely anguished. He really wanted to give a suggestion at this moment. Can we not fight Zhang Ye anymore? Even Central TV was not able to do anything to him and the SARFT was also unable to subdue him. For such a hooligan and shit stirrer of the entertainment industry, why can\'t we just avoid him some and let everything be fine? Must we really fight it out with him? If we can\'t afford to mess with him, then we can just avoid him, right?! The crucial point was that even if the entire crosstalk world were to band together, they would still be unable to do anything about him!

So what was the point of fighting?

There\'s no way we can fight him!

...

Very quickly, the news had spread everywhere!

"Zhang Ye invited to Beijing TV\'s Spring Festival Gala!"

"Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s crosstalk causes a controversy again!"

"Zhang Ye\'s new routine for the Spring Festival Gala: \'I Want to Get on the Spring Festival Gala\'?"

"A complete denouncement by the crosstalk world!"

"Zhang Ye mocks Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala and the Chinese crosstalk world!"

"Absolute comedy! Crosstalk at Beijing TV\'s Spring Festival Gala dress rehearsal leaked!"

"Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk style shows up again!"

"A massacre caused by a crosstalk! Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai declare war on the crosstalk world again!"

The tabloids were collectively expressing and reporting about this "massacre." The reports were also quite similar in content: Zhang Ye has once again proven with his actions that no one has ever been a match for him when it comes to scolding!