I’m Really a Superstar

Translator: Legge Editor: Legge

Teacher Clown\'s audition was over.

Every employee in the studio found it both funny and annoying!

A lovely King of Masked Singers.

A lovely variety show.

A lovely stage meant for the performance of pop music.

But good god! It was fucking turned into a retirees\' concert for old cadres of the working class, with songs talking about events before and after the revolution. Even if you sang a song from 10 to 20 years ago, we would still have considered it pop! But which era were your songs from? They were all songs from 50 to 60 years ago, perhaps even 60 to 70 years ago!

Han Qi thought to herself how her dad had probably just been born when these songs hit the airwaves!

How did you even come up with songs like that?

You\'re too good at making things up!

The performance had knocked most of the audience dead. The previous five masked singers had also purposely tried to hide and disguise their real voices. One of them even sang their song entirely in a falsetto. But even so, compared to those before him, the way that this masked singer named "The Clown" had concealed his identity made the other five people\'s methods not even worth mentioning! In order to hide his identity, he went as far as composing these three revolutionary style songs himself or with the help of someone else!

He pretended to be a coal miner after pretending to be an oil worker!

He pretended to be a trucker after pretending to be a coal miner!

Would you be convinced by that?

Would you?

In any case, Hu Fei, Hou Ge, Hou Di, and the rest of the program team were all prostrating!

They were convinced!

A lot of them were actually kneeling in worship on the inside as they listened to the end of the song!

Hu Fei looked behind him. "Sirs, what about him?"

A deputy station head who was neither laughing nor crying said, "Why are there even such people?"

A station chief coughed and said, "People involved in the performing arts are probably a little bit different, you know?"

"There\'s a lot of people in the performing arts," the deputy station head said, "but I\'ve never seen one that takes it as far as him. In order to protect his identity, he pretended to be some retired old worker? And belt out revolutionary song after revolutionary song? Coming up with all sorts of tricks? He acted like he was a worker until it became a drama! He turned these working class songs into a series! When he gets onto the actual stage, he better not turn into a textile or subway worker! Who could bear that?"

Hu Fei was entertained. "Sir, that definitely won\'t happen. When the day of recording arrives, he will definitely sing properly. I\'m just curious as to who he really is."

Another station head suddenly said, "Did you all forget? The contract."

When everyone heard that, their eyes lit up!

Right!

The contract had yet to be signed!

They still required him to sign it in person in order to participate!

The Clown had already gone offstage.

Hu Fei asked, "Are there any more contestants lined up?"

Dafei quickly answered, "There are two more teachers who have just arrived, but they\'re both still getting ready."

"Alright, let them wait a bit." Hu Fei immediately called out to Zhang Ye, "Teacher Clown, a word, please."

The Clown looked at him.

Hu Fei held up the contract. "You must be an industry insider, so you must surely know that there is a requirement to sign a contract before you can appear on the show. Please look over it."

The Clown acknowledged and walked over to them. He held the contract in his gloved hand and swept his eyes several times across the contract.

Hu Fei said, "It just outlines the duties of the artist, such as attending the show\'s recording on time—it\'s the same as any other contract. The contract period runs until the end of the show\'s broadcast. If you\'ve verified that there are no problems, please sign your name here. Oh, by the way, it has to be your real name, else there\'s no legality, and that wouldn\'t do."

Everyone was thinking that he would reject it.

But this man wearing a clown mask did not even hesitate. He picked up a pen and signed his name in a few quick strokes.

Hu Fei was taken aback.

A few of the station heads were also taken aback.

They grabbed the contract and squeezed together to look at it. Their jaws dropped.

"This is?"

"What name is this?"

"I can\'t read it?"

"Th-This is your real name?"

Although he did sign his real name, it was so flamboyant none of them could read it.

The Clown said, "It\'s 100% my real name."

He was not lying. He did indeed sign it as "Zhang Ye," which was his real name. But of course, Zhang Ye was a calligrapher too. Regular script? Clerical script? Semi-cursive script? Cursive script? He knew all of those. As long as he didn\'t wish for anyone to read his handwriting, most ordinary folk would not be able to read it. And even if they wanted Zhang Ye to explain the characters he wrote down, he could easily tell them about the strokes that were written. His name and his signature would definitely match up!

A deputy station head was flabbergasted. "Teacher, you\'re making things very difficult for us by doing this. If we don\'t even know who you are, how can we pay you your appearance fees?"

Zhang Ye shook his head. "Just take care of my meals."

Take care of his meals?

No need for any appearance fees?

Damn, aren\'t you too easy to fool? But it was true; the working class had always had low requirements.

They had no other ideas left anyway. Having encountered such a stubborn veteran, what else could they do? They couldn\'t possibly deny him an appearance on the show, could they? With such good vocals, it would be a real pity not to have him! Besides, the man beneath the mask might really be some big name celebrity, and that would mean viewership ratings! Who would willingly give that up?

The Clown walked off.

Leaving only the program team staff whispering to one another.

"Could he have really been a worker?"

"The hell, you really believe that?"

"Uh, how else could he have sung those songs with such enthusiasm?"

"Who knows."

"I still can\'t figure it out!"

"Yeah, those three songs have me befuddled!"

"He\'s way too good at faking it!"

"We might really have to wait until the start of the competition to find out what he\'s truly capable of."

"He hides himself really well. But is it worth it?"

"He doesn\'t even want the appearance fees? Perhaps he\'s not actually a big name celebrity?"

"God only knows!"

However, when writing their evaluations, everyone still gave him very good reviews.

Hu Fei wrote: Bel canto maestro.

Dafei wrote: Recommended as opener.

Dong Shanshan wrote: Able to sing old songs well, very unique.

...

Backstage.

In The Clown\'s waiting room.

Han Qi followed him back.

"Teacher."

"Hm?"

"There are a few more masked singer auditions taking place later. When everything is over, there will be an internal meeting."

"Meeting the other contestants?"

"No, no, it\'s just showing everyone\'s singing to each other so that everyone can have a listen. Of course, it will only be a small portion of the actual singing, just a few lines. That\'s to allow the contestants to \'greet\' to each other with their vocals. Of course, if you don\'t wish to make yourself known to them in advance, you may decline to partake in this internal meeting. We are more lenient about that. But out of respect for everyone else, if you do not wish to take part, you won\'t be allowed to listen to their singing from the auditions."

"OK."

"So your decision is?"

"I\'m fine with that."

"OK."

Zhang Ye was fine with the arrangement. He had already done so much to conceal his identity. If someone could still recognize him, he would have to hand it to them. In truth, even if he did not hide himself this way, people were not likely to identify him. That was because Zhang Ye had only sung officially in public once before, during Beijing Television\'s Spring Festival Gala where he performed "A Letter to Home." His singing then was done in a more "recitative" style and was considered casual, so the industry insiders all knew that he couldn\'t really sing and would therefore not likely associate him to this current identity. As such, Zhang Ye was not afraid to let others hear his singing. In fact, he wanted to listen to the other masked singers to find out their strengths!

Half an hour…

One hour…

Finally, the auditions for the masked singers who came over today were finished!

Shortly after, Han Qi knocked on the door and came in. "Teacher, we\'re ready!"

Zhang Ye said, "OK."

There was a television in the waiting room.

Han Qi turned it on and changed some settings before an image appeared on the screen. This was clearly not a broadcast signal, but an internal one.

Zhang Ye, with mask on, looked over.

The first singer\'s voice came from the TV.

"The ni-i-ight\'s cooled down.

"The wi-i-ind\'s died down.

"But where, oh where, are you?"

It was a woman\'s voice!

All the notes were sung in a falsetto!

It might look like very easy to sing in a falsetto, but it was particularly difficult to control. It required a lot of skill, yet this woman\'s falsetto was flawless and would make anyone who heard it shiver!

Zhang Ye looked at her name.

Stage name: Petal Shower.

Who was it?

He could not figure out who she was just from listening!

Following her, the next voice sounded!

"The sun is my name.

"Heaven is my faith.

"The Earth is my refuge

"Humanity is my enemy."

It was a woman\'s voice again!

It was a very gentle and soothing female voice!

Upon hearing it for the first time, it didn\'t sound too special. But this voice was the type that became more pleasant the more you listened to it. It was the kind of voice that would slowly and lightly creep into your soul!

It was wonderful!

And who might this be?

Looking at her stage name, it was Sunset Glow!

So it was her! She had bumped into Zhang Ye earlier in the corridor. He felt that she should be someone he had come across before, although he could not recognize her.

Next, a man\'s voice rang out!

This was the voice of that man called "Sunflower in the Starlight."

"Oh!

"Yiya, oh!

"I don\'t believe that my life is worse than others!

"I don\'t believe that I have no talent!

"I don\'t believe that I\'m destined to be a lowly person!

"I don\'t believe that my songs will be left unanswered forever!"

This was a song from this world, Zhang Yuanqi\'s old song, "I Don\'t Believe," although he made several arrangements to the score. His voice had very strong carrying power, and his high notes were very powerful!

He was certainly going to be a formidable adversary!

Moreover, Zhang Ye was positive that this man was a professional singer. This was because if he were an actor or a host, even with great talent and singing, he couldn\'t possibly belt like that. This guy\'s voice was like a well-tempered and highly polished blade!

Then the fourth contestant.

Followed by the fifth.

And the sixth.

Zhang Ye was looking more and more helpless, thinking about how these contestants were much too fearsome!

It wasn\'t until he heard the seventh person\'s voice that he felt a little relieved.

This man\'s stage name was "The Yak."

Although he sang well, there were some flaws that could be heard in his singing. There were some articulation issues and other details of his singing that lacked quite a fair bit compared to the others, so he likely wasn\'t a professional singer. Or perhaps it was a newcomer to the music industry? Hai, but when it came down to the real competition, nothing was certain. The live studio atmosphere, the audience demographics, the choice of song, the order of appearances, the actual performance, all of these would affect the final results. Zhang Ye would not venture say that this guy would definitely get eliminated until the outcome was announced. Who knew? If he picked well and chose a song that resonated with the audience, then they might very well just vote for him.

As a result, he knew not to disregard any of them!

None of the competitors would be easy to deal with!

Zhang Ye memorized all of their names by heart. He also knew they were not the only contestants. They were just the tip of the iceberg!

After the clips were played.

Han Qi looked at him with her beady eyes and blinked several times. "Teacher Clown, what do you think?"

Zhang Ye stopped up his throat and commented in a gravelly voice, "They\'re alright. The Yak is average at singing, but for Petal Shower to sing entirely in falsetto, she\'s a little weird."

Han Qi\'s vision swam!

Weird?

You have the cheek to call others weird?

Damn! Out of the entire group, you\'re the weirdest one, OK?!

...

Waiting Room #1.

The voice of The Clown was reverberating through the room.

"How glorious it is to be an oil worker!

"Wearin\' a hard hat and trav\'lin\' the world!"

The masked man with the stage name, "Sunflower in the Starlight," was staring, slack-jawed!

...

Waiting Room #2.

"We workers have the strength and pow\'r!

"We workers have the strength and pow\'r!"

Petal Shower nearly fell off the sofa!

...

Waiting Room #4.

"As a fifty-year-old pro driver, I am all smiles!

"I tend to get long-winded when talkin\' \'bout trucks!

"Thinkin\' o\' when I was 18 \'n\' learned how to drive, oh."

"Fid\'ling with that foreign truck, I b\'came an old hand."

Sunset Glow was wide-eyed and tongue-tied!

...

The people in the other waiting rooms were also reacting similarly!

All these masked singers were dumbfounded by what they heard!

Fuck!

What the fuck are these songs?

Who the fuck is this guy?

Did you come here to hold a union meeting or what?!

Could it be a veteran singer? Or an old performing artist who sang? But that voice did not sound like it! It didn\'t feel that old! Damn, just what kind of a person did King of Masked Singers invite this time?

"What a weirdo!" This was the evaluation of The Clown by all the other masked singers!

They were also speculating about the identity of "The Clown."

A bel canto singer?

Did he sing opera?

Just like how Zhang Ye was curious about who they were!

They were also extremely curious as to who "The Clown" was, as well as the identities of the other contestants!

For this unprecedented variety show, no one knew their competitors, so maybe this was where the real fun lay!